Dear Straps,
I missed writing you letters, and now I have started again. I hope you don't mind, but one of my favorite things was reading all of the lovely letter that you produced, hence my fierce love for dear posts. Also, I kind of love how you've gotten over your years of seclusion and are slowly making your way back into my life. Don't stop now
-garrett
Dear guy who sits in front of his computer naked every Wednesday afternoon,
You know, I thought first off when I started this job that one of the perks would be that I could see who comes and goes from our local feminist sex toy store. While that is a great perk (as well as being across the street from my favorite sandwich place) you are not a perk. Frankly, I'm kind of creeped out that I know you're over there, masturbating away your Wednesday afternoon. Now I'm all for masturbating away a Wednesday afternoon, but I would really rather you do it away from your window, because well, you're not looking out of it, and I am, and I know I have already seen your sack.
Thanks!
-the office window across the street
Dear friend,
I really don't know what to say right now. I have been pondering our friendship for a while now, and I am wondering why exactly we label our relationship a friendship, when frankly, I think it's anything but. We don't like the same things, we don't have the same political views on some really important stuff, and you never call me but fault me for not calling you. This isn't a friendship. Does time make friends? Or do honest real relationships with people make people friends? I think the later.
No longer yours,
garrett
Dear Norma,
Please sleep through the night tonight and know that 5am is not breakfast time as much as I know you'd like it to be. I do not like waking up at 5am when my alarm goes off at 6:35am, and you know that then for an hour and a half and five minutes, I just lay there hating you. You are a lovely dog, but you gotta stop this. Thanks.
with pets and kibble,
dog dad
Dear Murphy,
Thank you for being a great dog who sleeps through the night. Now what's up with you being a total food stealer? You didn't do this before, why now? I've forgiven you for trying to steal my sandwich the other day, but this has got to stop along with the growling at the cat who you know you love to cuddle with. Thanks.
with a rawhide and a warm lap,
garrett
Dear board member for the org I work for,
Please stop being the worlds most annoying person. Really, you never say anything that is so profound like you think it is. You don't need to say something about everything, and please stop cutting me off when I am making a point or else I may throw my glass of sparking fruit water at you next time.
-The employee who loathes board meetings
Dear Straps,
I forgot to say, thanks for introducing me to my future wife. Uhm, yeah that's kind of a great and wonderful. I guess 7 years ago I did not know the power of a crush post. Thanks again!
-super happy
Dear BonnieBlue,
Thanks for being amazing and wonderful and all of that other stuff. I'm looking forward to seeing you in a few minutes.
-The future Mr. Blue
I missed writing you letters, and now I have started again. I hope you don't mind, but one of my favorite things was reading all of the lovely letter that you produced, hence my fierce love for dear posts. Also, I kind of love how you've gotten over your years of seclusion and are slowly making your way back into my life. Don't stop now
-garrett
Dear guy who sits in front of his computer naked every Wednesday afternoon,
You know, I thought first off when I started this job that one of the perks would be that I could see who comes and goes from our local feminist sex toy store. While that is a great perk (as well as being across the street from my favorite sandwich place) you are not a perk. Frankly, I'm kind of creeped out that I know you're over there, masturbating away your Wednesday afternoon. Now I'm all for masturbating away a Wednesday afternoon, but I would really rather you do it away from your window, because well, you're not looking out of it, and I am, and I know I have already seen your sack.
Thanks!
-the office window across the street
Dear friend,
I really don't know what to say right now. I have been pondering our friendship for a while now, and I am wondering why exactly we label our relationship a friendship, when frankly, I think it's anything but. We don't like the same things, we don't have the same political views on some really important stuff, and you never call me but fault me for not calling you. This isn't a friendship. Does time make friends? Or do honest real relationships with people make people friends? I think the later.
No longer yours,
garrett
Dear Norma,
Please sleep through the night tonight and know that 5am is not breakfast time as much as I know you'd like it to be. I do not like waking up at 5am when my alarm goes off at 6:35am, and you know that then for an hour and a half and five minutes, I just lay there hating you. You are a lovely dog, but you gotta stop this. Thanks.
with pets and kibble,
dog dad
Dear Murphy,
Thank you for being a great dog who sleeps through the night. Now what's up with you being a total food stealer? You didn't do this before, why now? I've forgiven you for trying to steal my sandwich the other day, but this has got to stop along with the growling at the cat who you know you love to cuddle with. Thanks.
with a rawhide and a warm lap,
garrett
Dear board member for the org I work for,
Please stop being the worlds most annoying person. Really, you never say anything that is so profound like you think it is. You don't need to say something about everything, and please stop cutting me off when I am making a point or else I may throw my glass of sparking fruit water at you next time.
-The employee who loathes board meetings
Dear Straps,
I forgot to say, thanks for introducing me to my future wife. Uhm, yeah that's kind of a great and wonderful. I guess 7 years ago I did not know the power of a crush post. Thanks again!
-super happy
Dear BonnieBlue,
Thanks for being amazing and wonderful and all of that other stuff. I'm looking forward to seeing you in a few minutes.
-The future Mr. Blue
